This Deserves No Title

It’s a new year…. and I just celebrated my 22nd year on this earth this past week… and here I find myself in the most awkward, shocking, situation I have ever experienced throughout my short life so far. A Woman’s instinct is the most strongest inner source of power & I have been completely stubborn towards all it’s yelling at me out of sake for “Happiness” & “Love”…. Long story short, let’s put it this way. I’ve just discovered TODAY, that while I was in New York City, yesterday, bringing a close to my Bday celebrations … my “MAN” had a child being born that I knew NOTHING about. NOTHING. So, that means this entire 9 months that I have known this man, another Woman was carrying his child. And this is a child that was conceived before he & I knew each other. And, here’s the kicker… I didn’t find this information out from the Horses’ mouth… I had to get the biggest shock of my LIFE from his Sister’s Facebook page… and I’m not even personally friends w/ his sister on Facebook. To see pictures of such an innocent life that has the same mouth and nose as the Man I fell in love with. It sickens me to the point where I can’t even place an emotion on all of this. I feel nothing. I don’t even feel empty. I just… AM… I guess. What gets me is that he never had enough respect for me to even tell me what was going on. He allowed me to fall in love with him. He allowed me to blame myself when he grew distant. He allowed me to hold on to a false sense of hope with his promises & his words. He robbed me of my free will to decide how I felt about this situation and he robbed me of the decision to whether I wanted to get too involved w/ him or not because of this. He has disrespected me as a competent Adult and he has disrespected my heart. If he could hide this from me & lie to me about what was REALLY going on with him, then he could lie to me about anything. At this point, I have to leave this man alone. I’m young, beautiful, intelligent blessed with an AMAZING soul. I deserve the world. I deserve to walk away with my dignity intact. And that’s what I’m gonna have to do.

Goodnite

Add a comment January 11, 2010